Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize