I want to have your abortion
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
