I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
