Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
