She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
