Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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