So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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