It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
im on a boat
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