The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
