Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
