In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
