she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
