After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
