I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
