i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
