would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We left an ass print on the piano.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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