It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
