I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
