the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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