i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
