well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize