i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
