Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
