In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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