Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
