Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
