I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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