by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize