i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
