I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he shaved USA in his pubs
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
