Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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