Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
