i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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