new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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