Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize