dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
