threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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