tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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