I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
