They should really pass out barf bags in church
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
