Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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