I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
