Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
