do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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