Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
