remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
