when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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