That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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