just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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