I'm lost and stupid without you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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