youre lurking in front of me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
