I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
