Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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