let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
