that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
