I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
