How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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