Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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