Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
