Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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