am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
