he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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