best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
