Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
