my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His hands were made for my vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
