Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
