I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
