that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
