Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
