Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
