Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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