I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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