literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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