Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
