i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
