he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
