Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Every concussion has its silver lining
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
