We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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